i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
