I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize