She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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