I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize