like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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