Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
