Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
