We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
