so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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