Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
