just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
