I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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