She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
