sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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