dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
