I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize