"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
