guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
