So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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