I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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