never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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