I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
