wakey wakey hands off snakey
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
why is half of my head shaved?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
