Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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