I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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