i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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