There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
