I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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