i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
