I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
