Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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