just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
