i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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