You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
