My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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