He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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