we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
