can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize