I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he thought i was a dude.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
