I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize