Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
