Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
