Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
