oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
