so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
