it hurts more in the daytime
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
