Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
