Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
