we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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