just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
