Just fell off a train. Bad.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
