guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
