No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you would pick up someone in the library
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
