I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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