dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
