I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
