I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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