Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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