So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
