It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
