I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
