I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
