you guys were way drunker than both of me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
