I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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