Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
