Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
